I’ve been in a few long distance relationships over the years so I would definitely say that I’ve learned alot from them. It’s definitely not easy but it’s worth it though it’s definitely not for everyone especially if you’re looking for things to be easy. If you ask anyone their opinion about LDR (Long Distance Relationship) high chances is that they’ll tell you that it doesn’t work and they’ll discourage you from starting one. Why be in a LDR then? My answer would be, you don’t always choose who you fall for and matters of the heart is something that we have almost no control over. There’s a saying, “The heart wants what it wants…”
One of the hardest thing about LDR is that the distance makes it difficult to share your bad days or your good days with your other half. So, sometimes when you really need a hug, you have to rely on your furkid or pillow instead of her/him. Of course you can call each other on Skype, FaceTime, Whatsapp Call and what have you but it’s definitely still different. The human touch has magical comforting and healing powers that today’s advanced technology has not created anything that can make you feel them yet. One thing my husband and I always joke about and wish existed is a Teleportation Device. Can someone please build a working one? Thanks a million. š
On the upside of a LDR, the distance makes the simplest things feel blissful, being able to hold the other personās hand, eating together, walking together, watching a movie together means so much more in a long distance relationship compared to any ordinary relationship. When you have a date and the plane tickets have been booked, the countdown starts to the very second that you greet each other at the airport again. The feeling is euphoric beyond words.
The pandemic that we’re facing globally in 2020 has a huge impact on everyone. Those that are in LDRs are patiently waiting for the borders and airports to re-open. Hubby and I are definitely waiting for the good news and expect it to be announced in 2021. *Fingers & toes are crossed. The last time we saw each other was on the 5th of July 2019 when I sent him off at the airport. š„ I miss him so crazy much.
Back to the tips in maintaining and having a healthy LDR. I cannot stress enough on how important it is to have good communication. Communicating with each other on a daily basis is essential. Be it on Whatsapp Msg, FB Messenger, iMessage and so on. If you’re bad at communicating, LDR definitely is not for you. Failure to communicate with your GF/BF that’s in another state, country or continent is definitely the recipe to disaster and misunderstanding. When there is misunderstanding, people get hurt obviously. Key is to have open communication with each other. That should automatically be the case with any relationship.
If and when you do argue, argue healthily. How? Don’t yell as yelling solves nothing but is a source to create tension and the receiving party will surely have their guards up as they feel attacked. Just stick to the main point of the argument, and don’t bring other topics into the argument. I repeat don’t go off track and bring up other things that’s not related to the disagreement as it will only make things worse. Voice out how you feel and then hear what your partner has to say and then discuss a solution that would work for both sides and then apologize and move on from it. Also, it is important to forgive and forget. Don’t be caught up in the argument for hours or days. Afterall, time is precious and it’s already tough enough having to feel horrible while missing your partner that you can’t comfort with a hug afterwards.
Having a plan in the long run is also essential in maintaining and making a LDR work. For instance, how long will the distance last before 1 person moves to be with the other? Btw, the person who will be moving, that’s a huge sacrifice in the relationship especially moving continents or country and leaving behind family, friends and your comfort. Therefore, the person who is not moving, should appreciate and understand what this truly means and also be supportive and patient with your partner who left their lives to start new and fresh with you.
Making time to schedule in videocalls, phone calls and texting each other should be prioritize as well as this ties in with good communication. Remember, failure to communicate only kills the relationship. I’ve been in a normal geographic relationship where I felt alone despite having the BF next to me because he wouldn’t talk to me much even on a daily basis unless I were to ask questions and even that, I would almost get a 1 worded answer. That bothered me alot. I tried speaking to him about it but he just didn’t change or did anything to make it better. So, I finally had to throw in the white towel despite being together for years because that loneliness was killing me on the inside.
Like I’ve emphasize, LDR isn’t for everyone and with the pandemic that hit us all, you can’t just drive or fly to see your partner whenever you like therefore, you have to be patient in waiting till you can reunite again. Sometimes, it’s about saving up to buy that plane tickets as well. Bare in mind, the further the distance is, the more expensive the flight tickets would be. Also, those who are working, you’d need to wait for the time when you can plan your annual leave.
Honesty is definitely the best policy as well. The fact that you can’t see each other like normal couples would be able to, it takes lots of trust. To gain trust, you need to be honest at all times. Anyway, being honest is definitely easier than lying as it takes more memory space to remember what lie you told or story you made up. You’ve been warned!!
I know that technology in today’s day and age has improved compared to back in the early 1990’s as you can now Skype, Zoom, Whatsapp Videocall and all as long as you have good internet connectivity but, you shouldn’t just be lazy and rely solely on just that. A good idea is to put pen to paper and write a snail mail or send a card once in awhile. This is definitely a good surprise when you check your mailbox instead of receiving the normal bills, you get a scented envelope with your name handwritten on it and a romantic, sweet letter from your loved one telling you how much they miss you. It’s original and shows just how much thought that your partner have for you hence going old skool and writing you to surprise you. It also doesn’t cost that much to do it. Just need to get some stamps and airmail sticker from your local post office. Talking about that, Malaysia Post might have lost my letter and card that I wrote respectively and sent out in March and June 2020. š„ That really makes me super sad tbh.
You should also not put your life on hold but do things to keep yourself busy. When you’re busy, time passes by quicker too and before you know it, you’ll be driving to the airport to pick her/him up again. You can do something you love or maybe even start a new hobby to kill time and make yourself better. I remember how I used to go to the gym daily. To be honest, I miss that. It was a good way to get fit and also de-stress from work. Btw, the gym is still close here thanks to the increasing number of Covid-19 cases in Malaysia. So, stay safe and think of a different hobby for now. š
You should also do things together. Wait, what? How is that possible? Well, you can watch movies together on Skype or Zoom. Atleast that’s what I do with my hubby on the weekends because we have 12/13hrs different depending on Daylight Saving. You can share cute videos on YouTube or Instagram. You can even recommend a book to each other to read. There’s so many things that you should be able to do together. You just have to be a little creative.
Just because you can’t be there or she/he can’t be here doesn’t mean that you shouldn’t talk about your experiences or how your day went with them. I strongly encourage you to do that as it’ll make you feel closer. It’s a bonding exercise. Also, it’s a good way to de-stress over things that are making it tough for you. A way to share and spread your joy of a happy day too. š
Sharing your daily schedule with each other is also a good way to make plans to chat with each other throughout the week. That way, when your GF/BF is busy and doesn’t text or call, you’ll know why and not feel frustrated or abandoned. This limits misunderstandings before they happen.
Another way of showing that you’re thinking of them is, to send them gifts. With the internet, it’s not easy to do online shopping and sending them a care package or small gift. The lil surprise will definitely put a smile on their face knowing that you put the effort in thinking of what to get them and it might make up for not being there as well. The important ones of course is their Birthday, Anniversaries and Christmas but don’t just stop there. For me, I like to surprise my Hubby every few months once with a little gift from me to him. I know that he misses me like crazy so I hope that my gifts makes me feel loved, thought of and that he hasn’t been forgotten.
The last thing on my advise list for those who are in a LDR is to stay positive. It may be tough during trying times or when your whole world feels like it’s crashing down around you but trust me, if she/he communicates with you daily and puts in the effort, you should feel a form of security and yes, love conquers all. You just have to hang in there and be patient. Things will workout atleast for the better with time. Staying positive is definitely way better than having bad thoughts and worrying about bad things all the time.
13 Keys to a Healthy LDR
- Communication is key
- Argue in a healthy way
- Having a plan, an end goal
- Make time for each other
- Being patient
- Being honest with each other
- Don’t really just on technology
- Keep yourself busy
- Do things together
- Chat about your day
- Know each other’s schedule
- Send each other gifts that’s meaningful
- Stay positive
The most important thing to remember is, it’s your relationship. If you want it to workout, you work hard with your partner to make it work.
XoXo, VAS
La Bella Vita 