The Relationship That We Deserve…

Love is many things and being in a relationship is supposed to be easy and you should not have to guess where you are going next. I want a love where we build each other up through our declaration of commitment for each other. A love that makes us continually grow to be better people together. I know that both of us can be unlovable and difficult at times. Instead of running in the other direction, let us be there for one another. I am tired of dealing with emotional unavailability and people running away when things get tough. Let us stick together through the good and the bad. I am 100% here to give what I can give for this relationship to work no matter what.

I want us to be able to have any conversation despite how random or weird it may be, where we can listen to one another without judgment. I hope we share a love where we do not need to keep score of each other’s mistakes and forgiveness is at the tip of our tongues. And when we forgive, we forget and move on from it, not holding any grudges or pulling it up during our next disagreement but instead, we discuss and resolve things together.

I want a mature kind of love, love that is always genuine, patient, and free from neediness. I want a relationship where there is a healthy amount of communication between us. If something is not going right, I want us to talk it to each other instead of about each other. I hope you know that you do not need to depend on me or anyone else to make you feel loved. I want you to grow independently, without having to need me so much that there is no room to breathe in this relationship. It is not love if we cannot have freedom from one another.

Let us be able to have the freedom to breathe in our own thoughts and feelings. I want a relationship where we are both secure enough to support each other’s dreams unconditionally. I hope that we are mature enough to fight for our love and to accept one another as who we are, not a personal preconceived ideal of how love should be.

XoXo, VA

Never Did I Ever Imagine This Happening…

1 year and 8 months was how long it took for you to throw the towel in. I never thought that I’d hear you say that you no longer want to be with me because during our early days, I always asked you, “What would it take for you to leave me?” and your answer was, “You’d only leave if I ever cheated on you…” Thing is, you and I know that despite us being apart all this while, I stayed loyal and honest with you. Yet, that wasn’t enough for you to stay. It hurt when you said you were sure this round that you wanted a divorce.

I never imagine that I would have the need to speak to Divorce Lawyers and proceed with documentations to end my marriage. Honestly, who enjoys splitting up especially when you’re talking about a holly matrimony?

But, it’s alright as we’ve been unhappy for sometime now. We definitely wanted different things from the relationship and clearly we were both not getting what we needed. That being said, I’m not mad nor do I loathe you. I’m just disappointed because I truly needed you the most when my Mom passed away and these few months have been extremely tough for me. That being said, I understand that you needed a way out from the relationship so that you can start focusing on yourself and your own happiness. I do truly hope that you’ll feel better and you’ll someday be happy again.

I cherish the time and good moments we shared as to me they were special. You truly made me happy and it showed on my face on the day that we got married. I think you know this as you remembered how I looked at you. Thank you for marrying me back in 2019. It meant alot to me as Mom was still well and it was her last happy event that she attended before she got really ill in 2020. She got to see her only daughter get married. I owe that to you.

I’m sorry that we didn’t work out and that I wasn’t your forever person. Marriage means different things to people but, to me it means a lifetime commitment. I don’t give up easily. Ask any of my exes, when I love, I love with my whole heart. I’m a fighter that makes things work. I will only give up when I’ve given alot and I feel it’s not worth it anymore which is quite rare.

Walking on a landmine field daily wasn’t fun for me. It gave me lots of anxiety especially when you exploded with any wrong step that I took by your standards. Honestly, it hurt alot especially the profanities and name calling. To me, it wasn’t necessary esp. when you truly love someone. That’s a form of verbal abuse. I know you said that because you’re hurt, you hurt back but, that’s not love. Just ask anyone. I’ve never been in a relationship where my partner was angry and they felt that they had to yell at me or use such language with me. Arguing for hours on repeat or for days just isn’t healthy for anyone. It’s a waste of effort and energy and it doesn’t build the relationship but tears it down instead. I’m glad that you’re finally getting the professional help that you need.

Closing this chapter in my life makes me feel like a failure but, I know that’s not the case. Instead we were just wrong for each other from the start. We got into things too soon, too quickly despite us truly loving each other but, I guess it was also the circumstances we were in being apart 9,000+ miles away and we just wanted to bridge the distance and getting married was the answer we thought was right for us during that time.

XoXo, VA

Tribute Ink…

Most of you may know that I was very close to my Mom. We used to chat and talk to each other on a daily basis. We had disagreements of course but, we still love each other nevertheless. That’s what unconditional love truly is. One will learn to know the meaning of unconditional love when you have children. That being said when she left us on the 18th of December 2020, she took a huge part of me with her. I know that she hated it when I got inked but, I decided to get a tribute piece for her because I wanted to always have a piece of her with me and also as most of us know, getting an inked esp. a huge piece can be painful. The pain of getting a tattoo done to me has some form of therapeutic “treatment” to it. It still can’t compare to the pain of losing someone you love so dear for sure.

The session with Apoh, my tattoo artist was 3hrs this round and she will complete it by filling in the colours on my Mom’s birthday this year. This is the first piece ever that I needed 2 sessions to complete but, the diamond part of the piece is definitely intricate and it took alot of focus and time. She even took about an hour plus just to redraw things to make it right before she made the stencil for it.

Was it painful? Yes, it was but pain in a good way though. I know that not many people enjoy pain but, for me sometimes, feeling pain is a good thing because it reminds you that it’s real and that you’re still breathing. Btw, I love that Apoh was patient enough to make the piece awesome and that she leap out of her comfort zone to make something so beautiful. You can check her work out at: http://www.instagram.com/apohapoh

XoXo, VA