Passion And What It Feels Like…

You know you’re passionate about what you do when you get excited to wake up each morning and start your day. When you feel that there isn’t enough hours in a day to do what you love doing, that’s also a sign that you’re truly passionate about it. Sometimes to a point where money isn’t a huge factor just because you enjoy and love what you do. I wish everyone could feel that way about what they do each day because it makes life more enjoyable and fun. Though not many are that lucky as some of us have to hustle to make ends meet.

I first felt this deep passion about my job in 2013 when I first had my taste of Recruitment. I truly enjoyed picking up the phone and reaching out to candidates. I work through my off days and holidays because I truly enjoyed working and I just didn’t want to stop. I remember later that year, I had to deal with my most painful breakup ever as well. I was in love and I had so much hope to a point I was ready to leave the country that I called home to start a new journey in a foreign one. That actually lead me to try recruitment when I got headhunted earlier that year because of the connection the company had with a sister company in Denmark. It actually felt like things were meant to be or so I thought.

Well, 8 years later, I’m still in Recruitment. Am I still passionate about it? I am. Also, the ex and I are still Text Friends despite it having been years since our relationship ended. We’ve been cordial with each other. I know many feel uncomfortable talking to an ex. For me, I think if you’ve had closure and have no lingering feelings anymore, it’s alright. I’m a lil sad that he still haven’t found a new gf since we last dated. According to him, I’ve set the bar pretty high. I dunno whether to feel sad for him or happy knowing that I have left such an impact after so many years. 😛

XoXo, VA

Moving Forward…

When should you move on? When do you give up? To be honest, I hate giving up. I hate admitting defeat. I’m the type of person that still stays even though things suck big time. Why? It’s my Taurean nature. Stubborn, steadfast and loyal. That’s why I’ve been known to stick to things for the long haul once I commit to them. I fight and fight until I have no strength to get up. Even to that point, I will still try however I can to push forward despite how wounded and hurt I may be.

That being said, they say when you do the same thing over and over again, it’s insanity when you expect the results to be different. Therefore, I’ve learned that I will no longer fight a battle that I have to fight alone. If my partner isn’t fighting with me to make the relationship work, why must I fight for it? I would just be foolish wouldn’t I? If I’m not appreciated for the sacrifices that I make, why should I put in more effort?

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. When someone says that they love you. No matter how angry they are at you, they will never tell you to F Off or use profanity towards you because they would have respect for you. And no excuse will quantify the usage of any form of verbal abuse towards a love one. Respect is very important in any relationship. It’s infact what relationships are built on. Plus, how difficult is it to bite ones tongue and stop one from uttering hurtful words? It’s not difficult as I’ve done it many times. Plus, I’m a firm believer of, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything…”

I’m going to emphasize this again. Love with the right person would feel easy and natural. Love with the wrong person on the other hand would feel like a battlefield every day. You wouldn’t want to feel like you’re walking on a landmine field. I know how that feels and I wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I had to go through. That being said, I stayed and I would have until the day I died because I loved him and I was committed to the relationship till he decided that he didn’t want us anymore. It wasn’t easy for me on some days but, I know that I’m not an easy person to be with either because I’m a perfectionist and I have my many imperfections as well but I did love with my whole heart and gave it my all that’s why every fight just chipped away at my heart. I know it’s not entirely my fault that the relationship didn’t work but, sometimes when I see happy married couples, it makes me wonder was I really that bad, or even unlovable that he didn’t want us to be together anymore.

But, that being said, I know he has his demons to fight and I shouldn’t blame myself because many people have told me over the years that whoever that ends up being loved by me would be very lucky and I truly believe in it as well. I’m a nice person with a huge heart and I’m capable to love strongly, passionately and deeply. I just haven’t found someone who wants to spend their lifetime with me yet.

I’m currently hustling a few jobs to make ends meet because I got scammed about a week ago and I lost all my savings. That being said, I’m still fighting and I still believe in hope. I’m excited for tomorrow and where this journey brings me. I’m thankful for the true friends that I have that have reached out to me with food and all. I’m truly blessed that I have them in my life.

XoXo, VA

3rd June 1961…

3rd June is an important date as that was the date that Mom, Florence Yip was born. Therefore tomorrow would have been her 60th Birthday. Usually, I would send her flowers, get her a gift and treat her to a nice meal with cake of course. This is the first year that we haven’t been able to celebrate her Big Day. It’s been almost 6 months since she left us and not a day goes by without us missing her. We can’t visit her tomorrow because the current FMCO (Lockdown). I’ve made her Rose scented beeswax candle for her. Will have to wait until the lockdown is lifted till we could go visit her. Mom, we didn’t forget your birthday. I hope that you know that.

Mom grew up poor in Ipoh. She was the 5th child to my grandparents, She was the youngest and the cheekiest on top of things as she got my grandfather wrapped around her finger. She was the only one who was sent to an English Convent for her school education. I remember Mom telling me that after her dad passed when she was 12yrs old, she started working part-time after school hours to give money to her mother. She worked as a seamstress and also tutored. Prior to her dad passing away, the family ran a canteen business at the army camp. She even had a pet pig at one point in time.

Despite her circumstances, Mom was an extrovert that loved helping people. She was also very active in sports and represented her school in Volley Ball. Mom was well known as being a social butterfly. I’m pretty sure I got that trade from her. The ability to make friends just instantly. My Mom was always surrounded by her group of girlfriends that she kept in touch all these years. People are naturally drawn by my Mom’s energy. She’s always been very bubbly and her smile is infectious.

Before Mom met dad when she was 18. She was working at a car battery shop and dad saw her walking past daily during lunch break as at that time, dad was a site supervisor and he was high up and saw her. My dad then decided to ask around to find out who Mom was. Eventually, he learned where she worked and he decided to write her a letter. That was how my Mom and dad met and the rest was history.

My Mom always had a huge heart when it came to people and she would never think twice in helping out those in need, I guess she developed this compassion for people because she had nothing growing up. That’s another reason why she taught me to be charitable since I was young and that we should share. Friends and neighbours and family nevertheless loved Mom because she was very friendly and she would always be there for you. Mom was never selfish but always giving. She never demanded for anything but, dad pampered her because she deserved everything in the world.

Dad took good care of Mom from the day he met her until her last breath. He made her quit her job to start a family with him and supported her financially. My dad definitely is 1 in a million. Also, when Mom was bedridden during her last 6 months on earth, dad did everything to look after her. He fed her, changed her diapers and cleaned her while he slept on the floor beside her. It made Mom very sad but if that’s not proof that true love exists, what is? Will I ever be lucky to find love like that?

XoXo, VA

Conversations I Need To Have…

I have been running my own company since 2017. I remember how worried I was and how badly I wanted a partner to do it with me. Back then, it was my ex that I thought would be in it with me but, he hated commitment and he talked me into doing it by myself. So, that was how I became the solo Founder/CEO/Director/Business Owner. I’ve definitely learned, struggled and succeeded by myself through the years. Doing it all alone is definitely not easy as you are both the Boss and also the Worker plus you have to deal and handle everything from A to Z of the business but, that being said; when things don’t workout, you learn from it and you only have your own to reflect or blame for it. Though when you succeed, the taste of victory never tasted so good.

I’m starting to look at my life and realized that since I was young, I was taught to be independent from a very young age. Many might say, “That can’t be true since you’re the only child. Am sure your parents spoilt you rotten…” Reality with the Yip-Atkinson upbringing was, if you wanted something you’ll have to earn it. We’re not going to just give it to you. My parents worked hard themselves to build what they have today – the properties, the cars and the lifestyle. I’m thankful that my parents taught me the meaning of the word, “No”. That was a word that I heard often growing up. When I asked for my first pair of Black Basketball LA Gears with Red LED light at the heel. They flash with each step you take. I remember I waited really long to get that pair of kicks when I was 8. I also remembered that I had to make sure I got straight A’s and behaved well for a really long period but, when my parents finally got them for me, Boy!! I was over the moon and I cherished every step that I took in them.

I truly owe a lot to my parents. The love and patience they had with me growing up. I wasn’t crazy naughty or a trouble maker and I definitely was a good student in school that got good grades and was athletic as I enjoyed playing sports but, that being said I did go through the famous rebellious stage during my teenage years. I remember how I just didn’t want to be in photos and if I was, I’d be displaying RBF (Resting Bitch Face).

If I could turn back time or visit Young Valerie, what would I tell her? I think I would say this, “Life will get better with time. You will work in many companies but, the role that taught you the most and groomed you the most would be the role you had as A Business Development Executive/PA to your Director. That would be the most stressful job you’ll ever experience but, you also learned the most with all the projects and responsibilities that your director put on your shoulders. That being said, if it’s possible to change your career path, you should get into Recruitment once you graduate from College as you’ll make tonnes of money from it compared to the rest of the jobs. Also, control your shopping habit and safe more money and invest your money wisely. You will meet many interesting people along the way and you will get your heartbroken countless times. It may hurt a lot when it happens especially the break up that happened in 2013 that took the longest to get over and heal. 5 years to be exact but, that’s alright because it only meant that you were truly inlove and that it mattered. Because of that, you turned into a workaholic to mend and guard your heart. You will meet someone great in 2018 and it would feel like he’s your soulmate. You will later get engaged and married but, you will not get the happy ending you always wanted. He will break your heart and shatter your dreams but, you will not hate or blame him because he gave you happiness once and also because he proved to you that someone wanted you to be their wife and he also gave Mom the opportunity to see you get married in 2019 before she got really sick in 2020. 2020 will be tough for everyone because a pandemic would hit the world. Mom’s health will start deteriorating in mid 2020 because her cancer would have spread rapidly and she would lose the battle she fought so hard for 5 years. To prevent this from happening, make sure Mom gets her yearly check ups and screen for cancer in 2013/2014, You might be able to change the course of her history and safe her because losing her in December 2020 will leave you devastated and ever so lonely than you already are. The pandemic will still be around in 2021 and life would be very different from what you’re used to now but, you will meet many new people this year and you’ll learn who’s your true, real friends when you need them the most. You might eventually meet someone special to. Just don’t overthink things and just go with the flow. You’re such a thinker Dear Valerie that sometimes you worry over nothing. You will be okay at the end of the day. You have to be because you are Valerie Atkinson!!…”

XoXo, VA