Exciting News!!

Welcome to The Vault!! What is The Vault? It’s the latest Podcast Show that talks about everything under the sun. Nothing is left uncovered. We answer questions that you never thought about and we share our knowledge from our many exciting experiences. My Co-Host, Terry is an extreme sports enthusiast whom loves finance and the global markets which is super intelligent and he has a really good voice. Some says, soothing too.

It was Terry’s idea that we do a Podcast together after his bestie, Eveline decided that they do a Podcast together along with Annie. It’s called Spill The T.E.A. The Vault is our baby together. Hence, it’s going to be exciting and fun because of the energy levels we both bring to the table. We’re planning to go Live at Malaysia 10pm, Saturday Night which will be New York 10am, Saturday Morning. The Vault will be aired Live.

• New York Time Offset: UTC -4
• Malaysia Time Offset: UTC ++08

Come and join us on this new adventure. We will also be accepting calls during the Podcast too. Looking forward to hear from our listeners of course. It will be on YouTube, Instagram, Spotify, Facebook Live and Apple Podcasts. (This will be updated accordingly)

XoXo, VA

What No One Tells You About Losing A Parent…

Saying your final goodbye is never easy. If I had to choose between bidding farewell and studying on end to take difficult exams for the rest of my life, I would choose the later. That just says alot about how difficult and how much I dread the inevitable farewell.

So, what do I wish I was taught or told about what losing a parent was like? I wish someone would have told me how difficult and painful it would be. I think every child that loves their parents dread the day that they have to bid that final goodbye. Well atleast it feels very final until we meet again. We can only hope for that, to be reunited with our loved ones on the opposite site.

Nothing prepared me for losing my Mom last year. Despite, secretly mourning her earlier on since she started suffering. Seeing her in pain was truly tough. The day she passed, I didn’t cry but, I remember that despite how physically exhausted I was that night, I couldn’t sleep a blink. I couldn’t explain why. Maybe, my body was adapting to the shock. Then the following 3 days, it was her Wake at the Church and then final goodbye and cremation. I cried during the final goodbye when they pushed her in to be cremated. That being said, I still went on days and weeks in denial that she’s gone despite knowing the truth. I just felt if I didn’t acknowledge it, it wouldn’t be true and I would still be able to hold her hand and talk to her.

My Mom was a huge part of my life since I was born because my Dad told my Mom to stop working and just look after the house and me and he would provide for the family. There was a point when I was around 10 when my Mom was considering to go back to work but, I remember I was so used and comfortable having her at home that I told her not to. I loved having my Mom there when I get home from school. Mom was a really good cook and she made it a point to clean the house, cook and do laundry. We only went out to eat on the weekends. She was a dedicated Homemaker, Wife and Mom. I really hope that I can be half of her when it comes to cooking and looking after the family. She has set the bar high in that department.

It’s been 6 months since she left and I’m still mourning her dearly. I find myself breaking down every now and then from missing her and wishing that I could have done more for her. I have to admit that when she was around and when she would nag me, I wished she would stop but now, I find myself missing her nagging. What I would do to have her nag me about my health, the way I look and so much more now. I know that she nagged because she cared and that was her way of making sure I was on the right track.

I wished I spent more time with her in the kitchen when she was still cooking as I took that for granted. I miss her Sabal Fried Fish, Herbal Soup and Japanese Cucumber with Lemon and Chili. I miss everything about my Mom. Now, whenever I hear that my friend’s Mom cooked this dish and that, I truly envy them. It also hurts when I hear that someone isn’t close to their parents. I find it difficult to understand because despite the differences and disagreements that I constantly had with my parents, I still love them very much and I just can’t imagine not spending whatever free time I had with them because I’ve always knew that they wouldn’t live forever despite I wish it wasn’t so.

We’re not promised tomorrow and when someone is gone, you can’t do anything about it then. Someone once said that we only regret the things we didn’t do and not the things that we did. Despite, spending all that time with my Mom, I still have regrets of the things that I couldn’t do for her because she truly deserves so much more.

I can tell you that with each passing day, the missing and wishing that they were still around doesn’t go away. It doesn’t get easier either but, you’ll eventually learn to adapt to the changes despite the huge void that they left behind. I’ve been trying to fill the void that my Mom left in my life with trying new things. I think I’ve experimented with so many new things including my look and the things that I’ve been laying of doing, I’m getting around to finally. I’m trying my best to continue living despite somedays, it feels like there’s nothing to look forward to. I miss talking to my Mom and telling her my daily experiences and encounters.

I don’t think anyone could ever tell you what to expect and what to do because the missing, the feelings comes in waves.

XoXo, VA

I’m Never Getting Over You…

When I came across this MV, I was wondering why the lead female singer looked like Colbie Caillat so I did some digging and it turned out to be her. LOL!! I didn’t know she joined a band called Gone West. Btw, this is my current fav song. I find myself listening to this song over and over again. I like how it sounds and the lyrics is meaningful. I feel it’s a nice breakup song. I’ve always had a soft spot for breakup songs over the years. In my opinion, Country genre has the best breakup songs. I know it’s weird coming from me, someone who cherish relationships but, I guess I always find myself with a broken heart at the end of the day. I know I’m going to break the cycle this round. I’m finally going to have a happy ending. I can only be wishful and hope for the best right? Afterall, I’m a hopeless romantic.

I’m Never Getting Over You
By: Gone West


I want the end to be easier than the start
You were a hopeful heart that I shattered apart
I wanna say goodbye and disappear, mm-mm
Don’t wanna watch if you break down into tears

Don’t try to make me stay
‘Cause I ain’t gonna change my mind

Take a good look at the pain in my face ‘fore you walk away
Memorize all the hurt in my eyes, not what I say
I’m gonna give you what you wanted
Though my heart will never stop
Tell you that I’m fine even though I’m not
You’re gonna know for the rest of your life this is true
I’m never gettin’ over you
I’m never gettin’ over you

We’ll move on and you’ll find somebody new
With everything I could never be for you, mm-mm
It’s hard to hear, but time is a broken heart’s best friend, uh-uh
And there’s a morning waitin’ for you
We don’t know what could’ve been
What could’ve been

Take a good look at the pain in my face ‘fore you walk away
Memorize all the hurt in my eyes, not what I say
I’m gonna give you what you wanted
Though my heart will never stop
Tell you that I’m fine even though I’m not
You’re gonna know for the rest of your life this is true
I’m never gettin’ over you
I’m never gettin’ over you

I can’t stop you from leavin’
And you can’t stop me from lovin’ you

So take a good look at the pain ‘fore you walk away
Memorize all the hurt in my eyes, not what I say
I’m gonna give you what you wanted
Though my heart will never stop
Tell you that I’m fine even though I’m not
You’re gonna know for the rest of your life this is true
I’m never gettin’ over you
I’m never gettin’ over you
I’m never gettin’ over you
I’m never gettin’ over you

When you fall in love, there is no guarantee that you’ll stay together or have a happy ending. That being said, is that going to prevent you from falling in love with the chance that your heart might get broken in the process? There’s a famous saying right? “It’s better to have been in love than never at all…” To be honest with you, I’ve gotten my heart broken countless times and I have broken many hearts along the way as well. Though, I’ve always tried to break peoples’ hearts as gently as possible. So, what’s your favourite breakup song? I would love to hear back in the comment section below.

XoXo, VA

Moving Forward…

When should you move on? When do you give up? To be honest, I hate giving up. I hate admitting defeat. I’m the type of person that still stays even though things suck big time. Why? It’s my Taurean nature. Stubborn, steadfast and loyal. That’s why I’ve been known to stick to things for the long haul once I commit to them. I fight and fight until I have no strength to get up. Even to that point, I will still try however I can to push forward despite how wounded and hurt I may be.

That being said, they say when you do the same thing over and over again, it’s insanity when you expect the results to be different. Therefore, I’ve learned that I will no longer fight a battle that I have to fight alone. If my partner isn’t fighting with me to make the relationship work, why must I fight for it? I would just be foolish wouldn’t I? If I’m not appreciated for the sacrifices that I make, why should I put in more effort?

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. When someone says that they love you. No matter how angry they are at you, they will never tell you to F Off or use profanity towards you because they would have respect for you. And no excuse will quantify the usage of any form of verbal abuse towards a love one. Respect is very important in any relationship. It’s infact what relationships are built on. Plus, how difficult is it to bite ones tongue and stop one from uttering hurtful words? It’s not difficult as I’ve done it many times. Plus, I’m a firm believer of, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything…”

I’m going to emphasize this again. Love with the right person would feel easy and natural. Love with the wrong person on the other hand would feel like a battlefield every day. You wouldn’t want to feel like you’re walking on a landmine field. I know how that feels and I wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I had to go through. That being said, I stayed and I would have until the day I died because I loved him and I was committed to the relationship till he decided that he didn’t want us anymore. It wasn’t easy for me on some days but, I know that I’m not an easy person to be with either because I’m a perfectionist and I have my many imperfections as well but I did love with my whole heart and gave it my all that’s why every fight just chipped away at my heart. I know it’s not entirely my fault that the relationship didn’t work but, sometimes when I see happy married couples, it makes me wonder was I really that bad, or even unlovable that he didn’t want us to be together anymore.

But, that being said, I know he has his demons to fight and I shouldn’t blame myself because many people have told me over the years that whoever that ends up being loved by me would be very lucky and I truly believe in it as well. I’m a nice person with a huge heart and I’m capable to love strongly, passionately and deeply. I just haven’t found someone who wants to spend their lifetime with me yet.

I’m currently hustling a few jobs to make ends meet because I got scammed about a week ago and I lost all my savings. That being said, I’m still fighting and I still believe in hope. I’m excited for tomorrow and where this journey brings me. I’m thankful for the true friends that I have that have reached out to me with food and all. I’m truly blessed that I have them in my life.

XoXo, VA