18th Dec 2021 – A year since you left us Mom. How time has passed us by. It’s still surreal that you’re gone. I guess a huge part of me still doesn’t want to believe that it’s true. You’ve been missed dearly by everyone who were lucky enough to meet you. A kind soul that never thought twice in helping those in need, a true friend, a feisty and bubbly person and a loving, caring mother to me.
I know that you wished that I’d stop crying. Trust me, I wish I could but, the pain of knowing that you’re not around hurts a lot and it breaks me from time to time. The emotions comes in waves and when it does, it hits hard. So, please forgive me when I breakdown. It only meant that you left a huge impact on me, on many peoples’ lives.
How are things on the other side Mom? I hope that you’ve been coping well there. I always joke with Dad that you have alot of catching up with there with family and friends that left years ago. I hope that things on the other side has been good and that you’re happy. We’ll never stop missing you. I hope that you love the roses that Dad and I got for you and the Rose scented beeswax candle that I made for you.
I think I can call myself a Podcaster right since I’ve done 3 episodes thus far with my Cohost, Terry? We did 1 episode each week for 3 weeks straight and we took a week break and then resume with Episode 4 last weekend. We have discussed:
Does living apart keeps couples together?
Why does some relationships ends and others last a lifetime?
Why younger guys prefer dating older women?
FWB. Good Idea? Does It Work? Is It For You?
The first 2 weeks was definitely a challenge as we experienced so many different technical issues. From echoes, video not working to even no sound. We even had to redo Episode 2 when Terry wasn’t happy with the outcome of the video/podcast. This is what it’s like working with a perfectionist. I know it very well as I myself am a perfectionist too but recent years, I’ve trained myself to just let things be as life’s not perfect and I just don’t like being stressed out.
Doing The Vault Podcast has gave me a new experience and it’s definitely been a new experience. I actually look forward to every Saturday, 10pm Malaysia time and 10am, New York as we get to talk and discuss our experiences and Point Of Views (POV) over random things. I can’t wait till Terry and I are finally in the same city so that we can meet in person and also do the Podcast across from each other. I can only imagine how much more fun it will be when that happens.
Falling in love, one of the most euphoric feelings you can have. We all fall in love at some point in time. Maybe some more than others. Signs that you’re falling in love are:
You feel adventurous
You’re intensely curious about them
You feel their pain
You’re full of date ideas
You forget your other priorities
You crave sex
You feel like moving really fast—or slow with them
You enjoy sex more
You’re more affectionate
You feel positive about the future
You worry about things
You’re glued to your phone
You can’t stop smiling
You feel more love for others
You feel like a better person
You feel safe
With love, you’re taking a risk with your heart as we don’t know what this new found love holds for us, in a week, in 6 months time or years down the road. But, love is a risk worth taking as the famous quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson, “’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” is particularly relevant.
Some relationships will last and others aren’t meant to. As hurtful as that may sound, I believe that we meet different people at different points in time for different reasons and purposes. Some will stick around through your difficult times and some will leave us with a broken heart. Some say that love is easy with the right person. I wouldn’t say easy but I would say that with the right person, it’s more worth your effort and time as they are atleast on the same page as you and they are also fighting by your side to make things work with you. Love definitely needs effort and nurturing for it to blossom into something that would lasts the test of time. But, whatever may come and happen, I believe that we all can learn a thing or two from the relationships that we’re in or was in at one point in time. So, it’s definitely not a waste of time hence I believe in giving your all or nothing at all when you want to be with someone.
Why do we sometimes feel like we’ve failed? I think everyone experiences feeling like a failure from time to time or at least once in their lifetime. We feel like we’ve failed when we set goals for ourselves and we miss the mark. Be it by a lil or a lot. It can be at anything and at anytime. I think we feel it when we stop and ponder about things or where we are in our lives.
On the other hand, if we don’t set any goals or expectations, we wouldn’t be able to fail right? That being said, setting goals in life is important as it plays a huge part in giving us the push that we need and something to look forward to, to achieve. Without something to look forward to, we will eventually lose our purpose and ourselves. Life would be mundane, dull and that’s when most people give up trying.
But, why is it that when a marriage fails, you can’t help but feel like a failure? For me, I had thoughts that I failed when my marriage ended months ago. I felt that way because I wanted to be married once in my lifetime and I wanted to make things work no matter how hard or difficult it may have turned out. I was very patient when things were bad. I didn’t budge or even thought of leaving, not even once. That being said when he threw the towel in, it hurt and it made me feel that whatever I’ve done or haven’t done, well it felt that it just wasn’t enough. Weeks after we ended, I stopped blaming myself and came to the conclusion that we just weren’t right for each other despite how much we once loved each other. We made sacrifices for each other so that can only meant we did truly love one another right?
I think we should stop feeling like failures when things don’t work out the way we envision them because things doesn’t go as plan most of the time anyway. We need to learn to accept things as they come. Learn to be alright with things at the end of the day. So, maybe the key is to have acceptance. Accept that things can go south sometimes and that it will be alright nevertheless. Maybe even take it as a blessing because if something was meant for you, it would workout in it’s own way. We need to learn to be less tough on ourselves from time to time as the world and expectations we set can sometimes get overwhelming.