What No One Tells You About Losing A Parent…

Saying your final goodbye is never easy. If I had to choose between bidding farewell and studying on end to take difficult exams for the rest of my life, I would choose the later. That just says alot about how difficult and how much I dread the inevitable farewell.

So, what do I wish I was taught or told about what losing a parent was like? I wish someone would have told me how difficult and painful it would be. I think every child that loves their parents dread the day that they have to bid that final goodbye. Well atleast it feels very final until we meet again. We can only hope for that, to be reunited with our loved ones on the opposite site.

Nothing prepared me for losing my Mom last year. Despite, secretly mourning her earlier on since she started suffering. Seeing her in pain was truly tough. The day she passed, I didn’t cry but, I remember that despite how physically exhausted I was that night, I couldn’t sleep a blink. I couldn’t explain why. Maybe, my body was adapting to the shock. Then the following 3 days, it was her Wake at the Church and then final goodbye and cremation. I cried during the final goodbye when they pushed her in to be cremated. That being said, I still went on days and weeks in denial that she’s gone despite knowing the truth. I just felt if I didn’t acknowledge it, it wouldn’t be true and I would still be able to hold her hand and talk to her.

My Mom was a huge part of my life since I was born because my Dad told my Mom to stop working and just look after the house and me and he would provide for the family. There was a point when I was around 10 when my Mom was considering to go back to work but, I remember I was so used and comfortable having her at home that I told her not to. I loved having my Mom there when I get home from school. Mom was a really good cook and she made it a point to clean the house, cook and do laundry. We only went out to eat on the weekends. She was a dedicated Homemaker, Wife and Mom. I really hope that I can be half of her when it comes to cooking and looking after the family. She has set the bar high in that department.

It’s been 6 months since she left and I’m still mourning her dearly. I find myself breaking down every now and then from missing her and wishing that I could have done more for her. I have to admit that when she was around and when she would nag me, I wished she would stop but now, I find myself missing her nagging. What I would do to have her nag me about my health, the way I look and so much more now. I know that she nagged because she cared and that was her way of making sure I was on the right track.

I wished I spent more time with her in the kitchen when she was still cooking as I took that for granted. I miss her Sabal Fried Fish, Herbal Soup and Japanese Cucumber with Lemon and Chili. I miss everything about my Mom. Now, whenever I hear that my friend’s Mom cooked this dish and that, I truly envy them. It also hurts when I hear that someone isn’t close to their parents. I find it difficult to understand because despite the differences and disagreements that I constantly had with my parents, I still love them very much and I just can’t imagine not spending whatever free time I had with them because I’ve always knew that they wouldn’t live forever despite I wish it wasn’t so.

We’re not promised tomorrow and when someone is gone, you can’t do anything about it then. Someone once said that we only regret the things we didn’t do and not the things that we did. Despite, spending all that time with my Mom, I still have regrets of the things that I couldn’t do for her because she truly deserves so much more.

I can tell you that with each passing day, the missing and wishing that they were still around doesn’t go away. It doesn’t get easier either but, you’ll eventually learn to adapt to the changes despite the huge void that they left behind. I’ve been trying to fill the void that my Mom left in my life with trying new things. I think I’ve experimented with so many new things including my look and the things that I’ve been laying of doing, I’m getting around to finally. I’m trying my best to continue living despite somedays, it feels like there’s nothing to look forward to. I miss talking to my Mom and telling her my daily experiences and encounters.

I don’t think anyone could ever tell you what to expect and what to do because the missing, the feelings comes in waves.

XoXo, VA

It’s Never Too Late…

Many make New Year’s Resolutions. I never really bothered in making any because I hate setting expectations and when they’re not being met, it only makes you feel disappointed. I learn to stop having expectations for years now as I used to have them but we all know how that ends. So, I’ve learned to live with just taking each day as they come. That all being said, it doesn’t mean that I don’t strive to be better because I always challenge myself and those that I care for to always be better. I feel that life’s too short to not be the best you can be because it may be your only life unless you believe in reincarnation. ๐Ÿ˜€

I think most of my closest friends know that things have been tough emotionally for me this few months. That being said, life and time waits for no one. I’m turning another year older in just a few months time. This year is definitely going to be different. I’m waiting on a tribute tattoo session for my Mom that got postponed because of the MCO (Movement Control Order) 2.0. It’s now scheduled for 8th of March 2021. We’ll see if that session will happen especially when the Malaysian Government has been wishy-washy in terms of their decisions in controlling and keeping the Covid-19 numbers down. That being said, I’m keeping my fingers and toes crossed that I’ll be able to get it done soon and as planned.

I’m definitely going back into the gym to workout. I want to destress, sweat, feel fit and get toned. But, I’ll definitely have to take a break from the gym when I get inked for a smooth healing. Plus, I want to be ready for Maldives. *hint.. *hint.. I know which resort I’m interested in this round.

Besides the gym, I’m also going to tryout some new recipes. I’m excited about that even though I still prefer cooking for others. LOL… I’ll think of more things to do as the months passes and I’ll keep y’รกll updated. If you have ideas of something that I may like, do comment below and I might try them out.

What are you interested in trying out?

XoXo, VAS

Domesticated…? Maybe, Perhaps…

These are some of the meal preps, treats that I’ve made for Laurent & Saint, my 2 furkids. I would have to admit that using the Food Dehydrator definitely increases the electricity bill quite a fair bit as meats have to dehydrate over night while fruits only take 6hrs.

Besides making food and yummies for the furkids. I do cook abit as well. I make from curries, pastas to soups and desserts. I can cook and bake from scratch. I prefer that because I can control the amount of sodium and sugar in the dishes and custom them the way that I think would be delish. I think my furkids love the food I make for them. Atleast, no complains as yet from them. LOL… I hate chopping things up and washing up but I like the process in the middle. Seeing ingredients turn into edible, yummy-licious food but I have to confess that I enjoy cooking for others but myself. Is that just me or anyone that cooks have the same sentiment? Let me know in the comment below.

I love to eat food that’s rich with spices and savory. So, I enjoy Japanese, Thai and Indian food the most. What’s your favourite cuisine? Do let me know in the comment below. ๐Ÿ˜€

My cooking journey started when I moved out of my parents place for good in November 2017. Prior to that, I used to cook the normal, quick instant noodles on the stove or bake chocolate brownies. My colleagues and friends loved my chocolate chip brownies.

In my opinion, I think the easiest dish to cook would be pasta. But, the most complicated, difficult pasta dish to cook would be Aglio Olio. Well, atleast to me. Weird right as it’s only garlic, onion, chili flakes base? Though, I bet it’s easy for you to cook though. ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m looking for new inspiration and ideas on what I should try to cook next. If you have a yummy-licious recipe that I should try out, please leave it in the comment below. Thank you in advanced. ๐Ÿ˜€

XoXo, VAS