Failure..

Why do we sometimes feel like we’ve failed? I think everyone experiences feeling like a failure from time to time or at least once in their lifetime. We feel like we’ve failed when we set goals for ourselves and we miss the mark. Be it by a lil or a lot. It can be at anything and at anytime. I think we feel it when we stop and ponder about things or where we are in our lives.

Cartier Rings

On the other hand, if we don’t set any goals or expectations, we wouldn’t be able to fail right? That being said, setting goals in life is important as it plays a huge part in giving us the push that we need and something to look forward to, to achieve. Without something to look forward to, we will eventually lose our purpose and ourselves. Life would be mundane, dull and that’s when most people give up trying.

But, why is it that when a marriage fails, you can’t help but feel like a failure? For me, I had thoughts that I failed when my marriage ended months ago. I felt that way because I wanted to be married once in my lifetime and I wanted to make things work no matter how hard or difficult it may have turned out. I was very patient when things were bad. I didn’t budge or even thought of leaving, not even once. That being said when he threw the towel in, it hurt and it made me feel that whatever I’ve done or haven’t done, well it felt that it just wasn’t enough. Weeks after we ended, I stopped blaming myself and came to the conclusion that we just weren’t right for each other despite how much we once loved each other. We made sacrifices for each other so that can only meant we did truly love one another right?

I think we should stop feeling like failures when things don’t work out the way we envision them because things doesn’t go as plan most of the time anyway. We need to learn to accept things as they come. Learn to be alright with things at the end of the day. So, maybe the key is to have acceptance. Accept that things can go south sometimes and that it will be alright nevertheless. Maybe even take it as a blessing because if something was meant for you, it would workout in it’s own way. We need to learn to be less tough on ourselves from time to time as the world and expectations we set can sometimes get overwhelming.

XoXo, VA

Never Did I Ever Imagine This Happening…

1 year and 8 months was how long it took for you to throw the towel in. I never thought that I’d hear you say that you no longer want to be with me because during our early days, I always asked you, “What would it take for you to leave me?” and your answer was, “You’d only leave if I ever cheated on you…” Thing is, you and I know that despite us being apart all this while, I stayed loyal and honest with you. Yet, that wasn’t enough for you to stay. It hurt when you said you were sure this round that you wanted a divorce.

I never imagine that I would have the need to speak to Divorce Lawyers and proceed with documentations to end my marriage. Honestly, who enjoys splitting up especially when you’re talking about a holly matrimony?

But, it’s alright as we’ve been unhappy for sometime now. We definitely wanted different things from the relationship and clearly we were both not getting what we needed. That being said, I’m not mad nor do I loathe you. I’m just disappointed because I truly needed you the most when my Mom passed away and these few months have been extremely tough for me. That being said, I understand that you needed a way out from the relationship so that you can start focusing on yourself and your own happiness. I do truly hope that you’ll feel better and you’ll someday be happy again.

I cherish the time and good moments we shared as to me they were special. You truly made me happy and it showed on my face on the day that we got married. I think you know this as you remembered how I looked at you. Thank you for marrying me back in 2019. It meant alot to me as Mom was still well and it was her last happy event that she attended before she got really ill in 2020. She got to see her only daughter get married. I owe that to you.

I’m sorry that we didn’t work out and that I wasn’t your forever person. Marriage means different things to people but, to me it means a lifetime commitment. I don’t give up easily. Ask any of my exes, when I love, I love with my whole heart. I’m a fighter that makes things work. I will only give up when I’ve given alot and I feel it’s not worth it anymore which is quite rare.

Walking on a landmine field daily wasn’t fun for me. It gave me lots of anxiety especially when you exploded with any wrong step that I took by your standards. Honestly, it hurt alot especially the profanities and name calling. To me, it wasn’t necessary esp. when you truly love someone. That’s a form of verbal abuse. I know you said that because you’re hurt, you hurt back but, that’s not love. Just ask anyone. I’ve never been in a relationship where my partner was angry and they felt that they had to yell at me or use such language with me. Arguing for hours on repeat or for days just isn’t healthy for anyone. It’s a waste of effort and energy and it doesn’t build the relationship but tears it down instead. I’m glad that you’re finally getting the professional help that you need.

Closing this chapter in my life makes me feel like a failure but, I know that’s not the case. Instead we were just wrong for each other from the start. We got into things too soon, too quickly despite us truly loving each other but, I guess it was also the circumstances we were in being apart 9,000+ miles away and we just wanted to bridge the distance and getting married was the answer we thought was right for us during that time.

XoXo, VA