61st @ 03.06.2022

Happy Birthday!! Mom. Today would have marked your 61st Birthday celebration. We would have gone out for a nice lunch/dinner and you would have gotten a present from me as always. That being said, I hope that you liked the Homemade Rose Essential Oil Beeswax Candle that I made for you and the Red Roses that Dad got for you today.

I spoke to Aunty Jasmine before seeing you and she mentioned to send you her love and that she misses you dearly when I saw you. She also mentioned that she hopes that you enjoyed the conversation she had with you. You’ve been gone for 1.5 years now and it hasn’t been easy for the most of us. As you know that I miss you and our conversations very dearly but, I’ve started to accept the fact that you’re in a better place and that you’re no longer suffering in pain. As you know, I’ve been better at living my life the way that you would have wanted. I’m coping the best way, that I could. I’m starting to learn to laugh and smile again. Keeping busy with running the multiple companies/businesses has been a much needed distraction.

Jimmy and Eddy also send their regards and they hope that you’re doing good up there. As you can tell that you left a huge impact even on my friends that you’ve only met once or twice. You are remembered dearly by many for the good aura that you always exuded and the kindness in your soul. You left a huge mark on this earth despite only being here for 59+ years. I’m proud that you are my Mom and I can only hope that I could be half the lady that you were – always helping those around her especially those that needed it. You were always giving, never a taker and your jokes truly light up the room. I love you Mom and I miss you so much. I hope that you’re having a good birthday celebration with your family and friends that are up there with you, laughing and just being the angel that you truly are.

Thank you for always looking out for me. It’s true that a parent’s bond with their child can’t and will never be broken. It’s an unconditional love that knows no boundaries.

XoXo, VA

Passion And What It Feels Like…

You know you’re passionate about what you do when you get excited to wake up each morning and start your day. When you feel that there isn’t enough hours in a day to do what you love doing, that’s also a sign that you’re truly passionate about it. Sometimes to a point where money isn’t a huge factor just because you enjoy and love what you do. I wish everyone could feel that way about what they do each day because it makes life more enjoyable and fun. Though not many are that lucky as some of us have to hustle to make ends meet.

I first felt this deep passion about my job in 2013 when I first had my taste of Recruitment. I truly enjoyed picking up the phone and reaching out to candidates. I work through my off days and holidays because I truly enjoyed working and I just didn’t want to stop. I remember later that year, I had to deal with my most painful breakup ever as well. I was in love and I had so much hope to a point I was ready to leave the country that I called home to start a new journey in a foreign one. That actually lead me to try recruitment when I got headhunted earlier that year because of the connection the company had with a sister company in Denmark. It actually felt like things were meant to be or so I thought.

Well, 8 years later, I’m still in Recruitment. Am I still passionate about it? I am. Also, the ex and I are still Text Friends despite it having been years since our relationship ended. We’ve been cordial with each other. I know many feel uncomfortable talking to an ex. For me, I think if you’ve had closure and have no lingering feelings anymore, it’s alright. I’m a lil sad that he still haven’t found a new gf since we last dated. According to him, I’ve set the bar pretty high. I dunno whether to feel sad for him or happy knowing that I have left such an impact after so many years. 😛

XoXo, VA

Moving Forward…

When should you move on? When do you give up? To be honest, I hate giving up. I hate admitting defeat. I’m the type of person that still stays even though things suck big time. Why? It’s my Taurean nature. Stubborn, steadfast and loyal. That’s why I’ve been known to stick to things for the long haul once I commit to them. I fight and fight until I have no strength to get up. Even to that point, I will still try however I can to push forward despite how wounded and hurt I may be.

That being said, they say when you do the same thing over and over again, it’s insanity when you expect the results to be different. Therefore, I’ve learned that I will no longer fight a battle that I have to fight alone. If my partner isn’t fighting with me to make the relationship work, why must I fight for it? I would just be foolish wouldn’t I? If I’m not appreciated for the sacrifices that I make, why should I put in more effort?

I’ve said this before and I’ll say it again. When someone says that they love you. No matter how angry they are at you, they will never tell you to F Off or use profanity towards you because they would have respect for you. And no excuse will quantify the usage of any form of verbal abuse towards a love one. Respect is very important in any relationship. It’s infact what relationships are built on. Plus, how difficult is it to bite ones tongue and stop one from uttering hurtful words? It’s not difficult as I’ve done it many times. Plus, I’m a firm believer of, “If you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything…”

I’m going to emphasize this again. Love with the right person would feel easy and natural. Love with the wrong person on the other hand would feel like a battlefield every day. You wouldn’t want to feel like you’re walking on a landmine field. I know how that feels and I wouldn’t want anyone to go through what I had to go through. That being said, I stayed and I would have until the day I died because I loved him and I was committed to the relationship till he decided that he didn’t want us anymore. It wasn’t easy for me on some days but, I know that I’m not an easy person to be with either because I’m a perfectionist and I have my many imperfections as well but I did love with my whole heart and gave it my all that’s why every fight just chipped away at my heart. I know it’s not entirely my fault that the relationship didn’t work but, sometimes when I see happy married couples, it makes me wonder was I really that bad, or even unlovable that he didn’t want us to be together anymore.

But, that being said, I know he has his demons to fight and I shouldn’t blame myself because many people have told me over the years that whoever that ends up being loved by me would be very lucky and I truly believe in it as well. I’m a nice person with a huge heart and I’m capable to love strongly, passionately and deeply. I just haven’t found someone who wants to spend their lifetime with me yet.

I’m currently hustling a few jobs to make ends meet because I got scammed about a week ago and I lost all my savings. That being said, I’m still fighting and I still believe in hope. I’m excited for tomorrow and where this journey brings me. I’m thankful for the true friends that I have that have reached out to me with food and all. I’m truly blessed that I have them in my life.

XoXo, VA