2021, 5 Months In…

The year is 2021, the month is now May. 5 months into the year. You know how most people are saying that we need a reset button for 2020 or a refund for the year as it was just almost total BS? Well, 2021 is starting to look like another loop of crazy. Well, atleast in my opinion as I’ve been dealt some horrible cards the first few months of the year. I was truly disappointed and deeply hurt because my dreams and hopes were shattered just like that. But, there is some positive out of it though. It’s like I’ve been given a second chance in the love department. LOL. This time, I’m going to choose wiser. I’m only going to let someone who is worthy and deserving of my love in.

Work has been moving forward. I’ve acquired some new clientele which is good. I have some new roles to work on. Let’s close some roles and make that money!! 😀

I can’t help but miss my Mom more recently due to my Birthday, Mother’s Day and her Birthday that’s coming up very soon. I hope that you’ve been well my Dearest Mom. Please forgive me for the tears that I’ve shed over the months. I know you wouldn’t want to see me sad but, how can I not miss your presence. We used to chat and speak to each other every other day and I love the way you used to laugh about things and nag me about things. I miss your love and caring nature.

I’m still on the fence about getting the C-19 Vaccination as there’s a few options now. To wait and get Pfizer sometime next year or to volunteer for AstraZaneca or Sinovac? Choices… I really dunno TBH. But, if that’s the only way for me to travel, I’ll have to eventually take it no matter what as Boy, I really want to fly. The last time, I flew internationally was in 2016. That was freaking long ago. Can you imagine, it’s been almost 5yrs since I last left this country? Damn!!

I’m starting to miss being able to just travel. Remember how it was Pre-C-19 Days? If you wanted to travel, all you would need is your passport and air tickets mainly. Now, you need to fill up a gazillion forms, get C-19 tested prior to your flights and follow so many freaking SOPs (Standard Operating Procedures). Will we ever go back to how it used to be? As it’s now a year plus that we’ve been having to live in this C-19 times. I think it makes many wonder and ponder this issue.

On a different note, is this a blessing in disguise that this happened or is it a curse? I think most will say the later. Well, for me I think if it wasn’t for it, I wouldn’t have seen some peoples’ true colours and I would most likely still be stuck in a hurtful relationship.

That being said, do you think this pandemic has made people drift apart by the different challenges that it brings with it or does it make people appreciate each other more and drive people closer in the process? I know that this tests relationships especially those in LDRs (Long Distance Relationships) as flying is way trickier than it used to be. If you’re in one now, how long will you be willing to wait for your partner? If it was me, my answer would be, no matter how long it will take. I will patiently wait and, I’d surely keep intouch over Videocalls, Voicecalls and Texting for sure. Thank God and the brilliant minds behind those awesome interactive apps.

How’s your 2021 been for you? I’d like to hear about it in the comments below.

XoXo, VA

My Thoughts Go Out To You…

As most of you now know or are learning about my Mom. Thursday, 18th February 2021 is exactly 2 months since she left us to be with The Lord. Not a day goes by without me thinking about her, our moments together and our conversations which I miss so, so much. I don’t think the missing will ever stop especially when you were so close to someone.

That being said, whenever I hear someone mentioned that their loved one is battling cancer, I feel a knot in my throat as I know that the Big C sounds like a death sentence. Atleast, it is to the most of us. It affects not only the patient but, also their loved ones. I remember when I first heard that Mom was diagnosed with lungs cancer 3rd stage in November 2015, I didn’t think of it badly but, instantly was “We’ll fight this to the very end and we will win this!!…” and we’ll get all the necessary treatment done which we did for the past 5 years. The journey was definitely a long one with many twists and visits to the hospital monthly.

Cancer grows and spreads fast which is scary but, staying positive and having a good doctor and support from loved ones is super important. Giving up in my opinion is not an option atleast not until you’ve given it all you have. We all deserve a fighting chance. I know that Mom lost the battle after 5 years but, everyone is different and I can testify that she fought hard over the years and never did she give up until the end.

I want you to know that you’re not alone. That there’s many people in the world who has gone through it or is still fighting it daily. Get the support you need. It’s always better to have some form of help as it’s not easy.

To set the record straight, I’m not mad at her for leaving. I just miss her so much. Her energy, her kindness towards everyone around her. She was the best mom anyone could ask for. Despite only spending little time with my Hubs, JR in 2019. She still loved him as her own son. I miss the daily conversations we had because with her, I could be real. I could talk to her about anything under the sun despite sometimes we had our disagreements but still we were mother and daughter.

Her last words to me when she was in the hospital was, “Don’t cry, don’t cry…” as she reached out to touch my hand when I broke down and cried when I saw her in the fragile condition she was in barely able to open her eyes or talk. Mom, I’m sorry that I’m still crying. I’m sorry. I know that you wouldn’t want to see me like this but, I just miss you so crazy much and I can’t help it.

XoXo, VAS