18th Dec 2021 – A year since you left us Mom. How time has passed us by. It’s still surreal that you’re gone. I guess a huge part of me still doesn’t want to believe that it’s true. You’ve been missed dearly by everyone who were lucky enough to meet you. A kind soul that never thought twice in helping those in need, a true friend, a feisty and bubbly person and a loving, caring mother to me.
I know that you wished that I’d stop crying. Trust me, I wish I could but, the pain of knowing that you’re not around hurts a lot and it breaks me from time to time. The emotions comes in waves and when it does, it hits hard. So, please forgive me when I breakdown. It only meant that you left a huge impact on me, on many peoples’ lives.
How are things on the other side Mom? I hope that you’ve been coping well there. I always joke with Dad that you have alot of catching up with there with family and friends that left years ago. I hope that things on the other side has been good and that you’re happy. We’ll never stop missing you. I hope that you love the roses that Dad and I got for you and the Rose scented beeswax candle that I made for you.
Most of you that are reading this post have been waiting for this day for a really long time as 2020 has been a nightmare for the most of us. Mainly because of the Covid-19 Pandemic and adapting to the new norm. Every New Year’s Eve and Birthday, I spend reflecting on my life and the year and today is no different. What has my 2020 been like? The most part of it was spent going to the hospital to see my Mom get her Vaccine Treatment or visiting her when she was admitted for atleast 4 days or up to a week’s period each time she had to be. The other part of the year was watching the news on the pandemic conditions here in Malaysia and looking out for quarantine measures. This year, I spent most of my time indoors at home and only going out when I really needed to only. Not forgetting heading over to my parents’ place to see Mom as she couldn’t walk since end of June and eventually became bedridden.
Most weekends were spent on Skype or Zoom Videocalls with Hubby when he wasn’t on some Onsite Work Trips. I still have not seen him since early July 2019 when he flew back to the US. He hates this distance as much as I do but we are left with no choice but to follow the rules that have been set in place.
Mom lost her battle to Cancer on the 18th of December 2020 and that was something Dad and I had to accept and deal with. We both miss her like crazy and wish that she was still with us but, we knew we had to let her go as she had been suffering since she couldn’t walk and she put up a good fight for herself and for us for the past 5 years. We’ll always cherish the precious moments we had with her. She’s missed by us, family and friends. Honestly, some days I still feel like it’s a dream. A dream that I hope to wake up from as it’s too difficult to accept the fact that she’s longer here with us. I’ve read that one doesn’t get over losing a loved one but one adapts to it. It doesn’t get easier but it becomes bearable as you learn to live with it.
Mom definitely was a big part of my year despite wishing we had more time together and for months now, I somewhat feel like me getting married last year was a blessing and it was meant to be as she was there to share the happy moment together as a family. I miss you so much Mee. I don’t think I’ll ever stop missing you. Dad I hope hope that the Lord is looking after you now and that you have reunited with Cookie, Hazel and other loved ones that have left us earlier on.
I’m not going to ask for 2021 to be a better year but, I want to learn to smile again if that’s even possible with the huge void that my Mom have left in my heart.