28th of October 2021 would have been my parents’ 38th Wedding Anniversary. They met when my Mom was 18 and my Dad was 24. The duration of them being together is one thing but what matters more was how they were like together all those years – how they handled their differences and the tough times together. It only made their relationship stronger than ever with every obstacle they faced. The biggest thing was how difficult it was when Mom couldn’t walk at the end of June 2020 and she eventually became bedridden. How my Dad looked after her without any help from any Caregiver only proof how much he truly loved Mom till her last breath. That’s true love.
When You Say Nothing At All was my Mom’s favourite song. Mom, this is for you. We miss you so much if you don’t already know.
My parents’ relationship gives me hope that true love exists and that I’d be lucky to someday meet someone that could truly love me and stay with me no matter what because they truly loved me and that we could work through things together no matter how tough they may be ego being put aside because our relationship matters more than anything else.
Falling in love, one of the most euphoric feelings you can have. We all fall in love at some point in time. Maybe some more than others. Signs that you’re falling in love are:
You feel adventurous
You’re intensely curious about them
You feel their pain
You’re full of date ideas
You forget your other priorities
You crave sex
You feel like moving really fast—or slow with them
You enjoy sex more
You’re more affectionate
You feel positive about the future
You worry about things
You’re glued to your phone
You can’t stop smiling
You feel more love for others
You feel like a better person
You feel safe
With love, you’re taking a risk with your heart as we don’t know what this new found love holds for us, in a week, in 6 months time or years down the road. But, love is a risk worth taking as the famous quote from Alfred Lord Tennyson, “’tis better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” is particularly relevant.
Some relationships will last and others aren’t meant to. As hurtful as that may sound, I believe that we meet different people at different points in time for different reasons and purposes. Some will stick around through your difficult times and some will leave us with a broken heart. Some say that love is easy with the right person. I wouldn’t say easy but I would say that with the right person, it’s more worth your effort and time as they are atleast on the same page as you and they are also fighting by your side to make things work with you. Love definitely needs effort and nurturing for it to blossom into something that would lasts the test of time. But, whatever may come and happen, I believe that we all can learn a thing or two from the relationships that we’re in or was in at one point in time. So, it’s definitely not a waste of time hence I believe in giving your all or nothing at all when you want to be with someone.
Why do we sometimes feel like we’ve failed? I think everyone experiences feeling like a failure from time to time or at least once in their lifetime. We feel like we’ve failed when we set goals for ourselves and we miss the mark. Be it by a lil or a lot. It can be at anything and at anytime. I think we feel it when we stop and ponder about things or where we are in our lives.
On the other hand, if we don’t set any goals or expectations, we wouldn’t be able to fail right? That being said, setting goals in life is important as it plays a huge part in giving us the push that we need and something to look forward to, to achieve. Without something to look forward to, we will eventually lose our purpose and ourselves. Life would be mundane, dull and that’s when most people give up trying.
But, why is it that when a marriage fails, you can’t help but feel like a failure? For me, I had thoughts that I failed when my marriage ended months ago. I felt that way because I wanted to be married once in my lifetime and I wanted to make things work no matter how hard or difficult it may have turned out. I was very patient when things were bad. I didn’t budge or even thought of leaving, not even once. That being said when he threw the towel in, it hurt and it made me feel that whatever I’ve done or haven’t done, well it felt that it just wasn’t enough. Weeks after we ended, I stopped blaming myself and came to the conclusion that we just weren’t right for each other despite how much we once loved each other. We made sacrifices for each other so that can only meant we did truly love one another right?
I think we should stop feeling like failures when things don’t work out the way we envision them because things doesn’t go as plan most of the time anyway. We need to learn to accept things as they come. Learn to be alright with things at the end of the day. So, maybe the key is to have acceptance. Accept that things can go south sometimes and that it will be alright nevertheless. Maybe even take it as a blessing because if something was meant for you, it would workout in it’s own way. We need to learn to be less tough on ourselves from time to time as the world and expectations we set can sometimes get overwhelming.
I hope that you are doing well wherever you may be now. I hope that you’re smiling and laughing because that’s how I want to remember you. Despite what you say, I always thought that you had a charming smile and I was addicted to your laughter as it was a form of assurance that I was doing something right. I’ve always wished that you could see you from my perspective and eyes because you were perfect to me. You were my perfect imperfection.
I will forever be grateful for the time and moments that we shared together. When you loved, I felt it as it made me feel warm and safe when you were by my side. I remember how it felt like to see my phone screen lights up and I see your name appear, it always made my day. The excitement was a piece of bliss to me. Also, everything I did I thought about you and us and every decision was made to include you. That was how important you were in my life.
The sacrifices you made for me, for us meant the world to me. Maybe I didn’t get to tell you enough. Thank you for being you. I’m sorry for failing you or hurting you in any possible way. Please know that it was the last thing I wanted to do.